are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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