this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
