I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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