I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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