I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
