I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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