I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
