when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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