he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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