so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
