just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
