Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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