Already got asked if we're dating
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
