I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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