Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
as a side note pls kill me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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