Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
