I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Damn victory sex feels great
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
