Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
