seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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