Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
