Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
