Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
