just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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