so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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