so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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