dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
