five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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