good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My penis needs a shock collar
Randomize
