If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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