it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
