I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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