Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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