I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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