dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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