she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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