gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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