is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
