I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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