she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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