If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
