you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
