It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
home. puking in laundry basket.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
