I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
