no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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