are you still at the devil's house?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
