She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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