i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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