I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
