I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
