So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
