still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
