how can u be prego again
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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