I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
