i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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