We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
this boner is exhausting
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
