There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i came on her dog
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
